HELP PLEASE

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Elysée69
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HELP PLEASE

Post by Elysée69 »

My DD is at a top London school doing MT degree in second term of first year. She is struggling. A lot. She doesn't think she will ever be good enough to perform, and doesn't know if she wants to anymore. She's crying in classes, out of classes and not enjoying it at all. Happiness 3/10, confidence down to 2. She has settled very well into independent life despite being only 17 still. It seems her confidence has been wiped and the knock on effect is being unsure if this is for her. She has always been an anxious child, suffering odd panic attacks. I don't believe she has really lost the desire for this career, but perhaps this may not be the right place for her?

Has anyone been through this? Any advice would be welcome.
MygirlsloveMT
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by MygirlsloveMT »

My dd is in her 3rd year of a MT degree and constantly goes through this, as do her 3 house mates so I’m pretty sure more at college will be! She is at quite a dance based college and whilst she is an amazing dancer there are some phenomenal dancers there, but they can’t sing and act, whereas my dd is amazing at all 3. They just don’t see what they’re good at, they see they don’t get picked for stuff and think they’re not good enough. What I would say however is that by this 3rd year my dd ‘gets it’ more now, she still gets down when she’s not picked but see’s her worth at being a triple threat. My dd is nearly 22, can’t imagine how a 17yr old must feel, bless her. I guess all you can do is keep telling her to do what she loves, if that’s staying at college then fab, if that’s leaving college then that too is OK, there’s nothing to stop her trying again in a few years if she decides that’s what she still wants to do then but let her know that she most definitely will not be the only person feeling like this xxx
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jasmine2
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by jasmine2 »

She sounds an amazing triple threat student. Is there a pastoral staff member that she could talk to? This is a really common feeling, my dd graduated a few years back, even gaining the college's Triple Thread Award at graduation! She performed all over the place since graduating but had doubts all through training about her abilities. It is a tough industry and they will get more 'no thank you's' than yes's at auditions. BUt we reminded her that it wasn't that she wasn't right for the part, it was that the part wasn't right for her..

Could she ask her teachers what she can do to get picked for something next time? This shows willing and teachers like that.

You are obviously a very caring parent, and I am sure she will come out the other side as a super shiny star :D xx
I believe that children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way.......
MygirlsloveMT
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by MygirlsloveMT »

Kind of in reply to jasmine2 but also to help Elysee69, my dd has found that whilst college don’t usually pick her for the dance numbers, she usually gets picked by outside people who come in to hold auditions, and college do pick dd if it’s for a musical theatre piece. All colleges will have their favourites and it’s usually dance numbers that get shown elsewhere (Move It, CYD etc) but hopefully our children will learn that not always being picked isn’t personal and my dd knows it has no bearing on how life will be outside of college, if anything she has learnt to fight and also not ‘expect’ anything. Elysee69, just reiterate this to your daughter, hopefully her confidence can be boosted xx
Littleone
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by Littleone »

Hi Elysee

Sorry to hear your daughter is struggling. I think MT college must be a really difficult place to be when your mood and confidence are low.
Does she feel better when she's not at college ? Was she ok over the Christmas break ? I agree that speaking to the college Pastoral team would be a good plan. Are there any performance opportunities for her to look forward to - inclusive ones e.g. a summer show ? It's a difficult time of year anyway and when they are just doing classes and maybe assessments I can imagine there's not much 'excitement' for them more a hard physical and mental slog to just keep going ! I think that while the well known big name colleges might offer excellent training often students can feel very much the small fish in a big pond and it's hard when there are so many talented performers who also often appear supremely confident. I have wondered if my DD might have enjoyed her time more had she gone to a smaller/less high profile college.
I do hope she feels better soon .
xx
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oscar
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by oscar »

I sure there isn’t a student out there on any course that hasn’t had a huge wobble during their first year at uni/college. With MT you also have the exhaustion element. Long, physical days take time to adjust to. I hope your DD starts to love it soon.
Elysée69
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by Elysée69 »

Thank you all for your feedback. I agree, and so does she, that the lack of Performing when she has been used to that for 7 years, frequently in shorts, theatre tour kids casts, Palladium event, and many more, has had a huge contribution as she can't remember, or doesn't have the will to remember, what the end goal us.

She has asked for support and hopefully it will help just having people to talk to. She doesn't want to go back after half term but is going to try sticking it out until after summer show term to see if Performing brings back her love and passion. She's talked of taking a year out....does anyone have experience of this? Would it have a detrimental effect on applications if she were to do that?
Proseccoplease
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by Proseccoplease »

Hi-I’ve messaged you but not sure if system has worked…
Elysée69
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by Elysée69 »

Prosecco please...no. I haven't got anything. I'll try sending you one x
Proseccoplease
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by Proseccoplease »

Elysée69 wrote: Thu Feb 16, 2023 12:15 pm Prosecco please...no. I haven't got anything. I'll try sending you one x
Hopefully second time lucky…
lotsolaffs
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by lotsolaffs »

Hi
Have sent a message
MTDreams
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by MTDreams »

Oh I am sorry to hear your DD is feeling this way. It's positive that she is having an open conversation with you and not bottling it up :) Please let her know that it is completely normal to have these feelings as MT training is such an intense environment. I am happy to chat privately if you wish. Big hug to your DD.
Elle’smom
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by Elle’smom »

As the mum of a fellow first year it has been a real rollercoaster. The initial elation, sobbing at October half term and Christmas not wanting to go back. This term an injury meant she could dance and was really miserable then.
This week seems to be better as the performances are becoming clearer - summer showcase us being cast, watching final year showcase today. Where DD it is clear 1st year is about the graft getting all the technique correct to then build and have performances in years 2 and 3.
DD was lucky her college has a carol service which they spent the last week of term in without that I think she would have been pretty miserable.
kzgirl
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by kzgirl »

The whole industry and any college can make you feel this way it is very cut throat. My daughter went to performing arts college in London and university, she found the same as your daughter is experiencing in both places. Lecturers tell pupils they are 'sh8t' they are the wrong shape, too fat, too hippy and don't get me started how awful they can be if your child has an injury. Courses in the musical theatre or performiong arts are not good if you have a child that finds it hard to cope or suffers from any kind of mental health. We found the courses caused mental health issues with our daughter. It is hard to have friends when they are all in competition and you certainly cannot trust anyone. My daughter had microphones hidden her tights taken so she couldn't get ready for a performance her shoes hidden alsorts of tricks by the other pupils. I do hope your daughter survives and it is a worry as a parent.
MygirlsloveMT
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Re: HELP PLEASE

Post by MygirlsloveMT »

kzgirl wrote: Thu May 18, 2023 1:48 pm The whole industry and any college can make you feel this way it is very cut throat. My daughter went to performing arts college in London and university, she found the same as your daughter is experiencing in both places. Lecturers tell pupils they are 'sh8t' they are the wrong shape, too fat, too hippy and don't get me started how awful they can be if your child has an injury. Courses in the musical theatre or performiong arts are not good if you have a child that finds it hard to cope or suffers from any kind of mental health. We found the courses caused mental health issues with our daughter. It is hard to have friends when they are all in competition and you certainly cannot trust anyone. My daughter had microphones hidden her tights taken so she couldn't get ready for a performance her shoes hidden alsorts of tricks by the other pupils. I do hope your daughter survives and it is a worry as a parent.
So sorry your daughter had this experience, my eldest is finishing 3rd year at Wilkes and thankfully hasn’t experience any of this, she has a big group of friends and whilst the whole year isn’t her friendship group as such, she says no one is made to feel left out and they all have their own ‘group’ but are all friends with each other.
I do agree about mental health though, originally my youngest dd wanted to follow the same route but I know mentally she’s not strong enough and thankfully she came to the same conclusion herself, it is a ridiculously tough industry to be in and whilst my eldest can let it go (to some extent) in one ear and out the other, my youngest would have been devastated. It’s hard making this clear to them though when they just want to live their dream. Eldest daughter is now in the throws of auditions for agents, cruises etc and believe me, that’s a whole different ball game so I think the ‘treatment’ during their time at Uni is just to prepare them for afterwards, whether that’s right or not is a whole other argument.
I hope your dd is happy with what she is doing now and it doesn’t have a long lasting effect on her xx
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