really upset, I need some advice

[tikka]

Hi
Could really do with some words of advice and encouragement - feeling really upset and helpless. Sorry its a bit long.

My ds is passionate about acting, has lots of experience of performing, mostly on stage, but also film and radio. He is bright, hard working, polite, pleasant and keen, talented. His dream was to study acting on a 2 yr BTEC and then go to drama school or uni to do an acting degree.

In Sept he started college, and he was so excited about going.Things were good to start with, but 6 months into the course he has found it hard - not with the work (at parents evening they said if they had a class of students like my ds they wouldn't need a teacher!) , but with the attitude of 2/3 rds of the class. Many don't take their art seriously, they mess around in class, don't learn lines, are rude to the teachers, and worst of all, make my son feel left out because he works hard and is happy to contribute intelligently in class and doesn't spend all his time going on about getting drunk etc.

Whilst rehearsing ds asked another student if he could check his line by looking at their script ( someone them are not off book till the last minute) they told him to F*** off and get his own. Last week one of the students (considered to be the 'alpha male' of the group) spent the day winding up the teacher (teacher, who is an actor, only does 1 days teaching a week and isn't popular) to the point where the student refused to do the activity, called the teacher a twat and stormed out. The HOD of dept had a word with the student, and the whole class and returned the student to class. I asked DS this week what had happened about it and apparently nothing, except this student's status has rocketed for standing up to the teacher and now he is a hero, about he still continues being disruptive.

I did speak to the form tutor about my concerns re behaviour in class and attitudes last term. The advice was for ds to be less keen and not answer question is class. So now ds stays quiet in class & no one answers the questions...

I feel so sad and disappointed that so many of the class seem to see this course as nothing more than a laugh and just something to do rather than working in Tescos. Disappointed that the teachers just accept it as normal. I don't know what to do.

Ds is coping with it all better than me. He enjoys the productions, but says the rehearsal are uncomfortable because of the general attitude. He says he will just keep his head down, plod on with the course and enjoy his other drama stuff. He spent last weekend doing a NYT course,and will do next weekend on it too. He was on such a high when he got home last weekend it made me realise how down he is when he's at college. It just doesn't seem fair.

So, should he just accept this, is this how life is? He is not learning much where he is, and he certainly isn't happy. Should I encourage him to leave and do A levels instead somewhere else whilst he is still entitled to free f/t education, and then go on to follow his passion at 19 and do a degree. I could go and talk to the teachers, but it all seems so futile, nothing is likely to change.

Am I just expecting too much?

Thanks for reading.

Tikka

[pg]

I undertand why you're upset and worried. I'm sure I would be too, in your shoes. However

He will be learning some useful skills in dealing with it all . If he's coping and wants to stay, I should leave him to it. It's a great shame he isn't getting all he could from the course, but I don't think the disruptive behaviour is all that unusual, unfortunately. He will still be able to learn some useful things along the way and if he finds it easiest to keep his head down then it need not do him too much harm long term I don't think.

I might see whether "Son of" has a view on this - drama at school was not particularly easy for him I don't think, for a variety of reasons, but he gained a lot from all of the stuff he did outside school and then found (unsurprisingly) that drama school was a very different experience.

[Nicola]

I'd also add that if he does decide that what he's getting out of it isn't what he wants, and you have other options in your area, don't feel like it's too late and that because he's half-way through the course that the best bet is to see it through to the bitter end!

My DS stayed on at school for 6th form to do AS levels, did TERRIBLY in the end of year exams, and it felt like the end of the world. He decided to leave rather than retake, and started 6th form again at a college - a year older and wiser and so far is doing brilliantly (just got 96% in the first module of his maths A-level! Very Proud Mummy moment!) The easy thing would have been to soldier on rather than admitting that we were "going back a year", and it was scary making the transition but for us it was definitely the right thing to do.

A year at that age means nothing in terms of life, but can mean much more in terms of getting them where they want to go. And from a performing point of view, everyone on here says older is better?

I'd see it through to the end of the year, because now probably isn't the time to move and start again elsewhere. Watch for improvement BUT I would be incredibly concerned about teachers suggesting your son gets less involved in lessons to stop the jibes - sounds like the unruly kids are in charge which can't be a good thing. So spend the next 4 months looking around at other colleges, explain your concerns to the staff there and ask their opinion - whether this is normal or acceptable.

But then as PG say, be guided by what DS wants too - if he wants to struggle on, then he's getting to an age where it really should be his decision. good luck with whatever you decide and hope things improve...

[tikka]

Thanks Nicola and PG

Well done to your son Nicola.

Today DS has says he will stick at it till the end of the year - ever hopeful that it will improve, but its going to be hard watching him be unhappy. Tomorrow he may come home and say that's it, I'm done. If he leaves at the end of this year he will still get a qualification worth 2 A levels in UCAS points, so its not a total waste.

Its particularly hard having to dumb down and keep a low profile in a subject where you think you'd be OK to actually be yourself. Its also tough when the assessments are based mainly on how you 'perform' in group work, in productions etc - you are hardly likely to be at your best when people are messing around and being unpleasant to you. Plus you are with the same group of people day in day out, at least doing A levels you get a change of group 3 times a day.

If he stays on for the 2nd year he would get a 3rd A level in acting and a chance to do an As level, but tbh I don't know if there is any point in having 3 acting A level equivalents. If you go to a drama school they look at your audition, if you go to uni its based on UCAS points and/or an audition and you don't need any 'acting' qualifications to get in. The only point in doing it would be if you were having a fantastic time pursuing a subject you love, which is unlikely to be the case unless half the class leave! If he did A levels at least he'd be able to broaden his skills, and that may be useful as an out of work actor looking for jobs.

Just makes me so cross that badly behaved students can be allowed to ruin the course for others. And wrong of the college to not take action to raise standards.

tikka

[Fruitcake]

Oh Tikka, I really feel for you and your DS. How disappointing for him.

I don't really have a lot of advice other than what has already been said, but, if it's any consolation, DS is doing a similar course in Music at the moment and things are very similar there - the majority of the students have no real interest in music and spend most of their time sitting around talking about how drunk they got the night before.

Your DS sounds about as passionate about his drama as my DS is about his music, so I know how despondent he must be feeling. Like yours, my DS started off in September with such high hopes for the next 2 years, but is now just using them as a means to a piece of paper that will get him onto the degree course he wants to do.

I really hope things improve for your DS, whatever he decides to do.

[tikka]

Thanks Fruitcake.

So sorry to hear about your son experience.

I had wondered if it was more likely to be a problem linked just to 'acting' courses , because it sounds like an easy option, and to get a place you just have to do a very brief audition, and show talent or potential. Some of DS's class think they are ace because they have done a couple of school plays, ds just keeps quiet about all the stuff he has done. When they rehearse he has to keep quiet when he has good ideas of how to improve the show in case he offends any one - how realistic is that to the world of theatre critics?

Its all a bit sad. isn't it.

Tikka

[soprano]

Tikka I, have no advice to add, as dd is in year 11, but it doesn't sound as if the college are managing the situation well. I hope your ds can find one or two like-minded individuals over the next few months.

[paulears]

A Levels or BTEC - it matters very little when you have an intake of idiots. The reality is that BTEC revolves around group work, and if the others don't care a damn, then it will impact on him. Some performing arts courses are viewed as somewhere to have a doss for a couple of years, which is one of the main reasons I stopped teaching myself. Things that one year would be amazing would fall flat when people just can't be bothered. Part-time teachers is yet another reason why standards go down, because a part-timer can never have respect when the kids are very often there more than the teacher. With a group of motivated kids, part time work can be really nice - and the benefits of working with professionals for the students are clearly evident. Sounds like a course with a problem. The advice to effectively not stand out is simply dreadful, but clear evidence that the teachers cannot control what is going on. They are not all like this - so I'd advise seeing if a transfer to somewhere else who do a similar course is possible. I've seen this up and down quality happen to four colleges in my local area now. The teachers will just want to get to the end of the year and get rid of these people, in the hope next years are better. They cannot chuck them out, because they lose their funding - so very often. given the choice of excellent kids few in number, or a group of yobs - the yobs win. OFSTED will identify the problem easily, but there really isn't a solution - or at least an immediate one. What I would do is make an appointment with the Principal - through the course leader. You MUST do this, the Principals are always aware of this problem - but won't like it to be publicised, so will want to appease you someway if they can. Good luck.

[tikka]

Thanks Paulears.

But what would I say to the Principal - what could he actually do?

The problem is the course is made up of kids who don't care about the work, are there for a laugh and who think its acceptable to be openly rude to teachers and ridicule the few students that do care. As you said, bums on seats generates income.

This is a 2 year course but they deliberately sign the kids up for 1 year, encouraging them to leave and get more experience in another area of performing arts, like techi, or sign up for the 2nd year. The yobs, who have had a great time in Year 1 are going to want to stay on for year 2 and have another year of wasting opportunities.

There should be an agreed standard of acceptable behaviour/commitment at the start of the course. There obviously wasn't one here, so we are stuck with it. What ever I say to the teachers, HOD's or Principal nothing is likely to change.....unless you have a cunning plan?

tikka

[francescasmum]

Hi Tikka, hopefully thes time wasters will leave (or be asked to leave) at the end of this year!

[Genevieve]

I would pull my ds out personally. These disruptive, uninterested loafers are bringing him down to such a point he's having to curb his personality and this will ultimatey affect him reaching his potential. From outside looking in, its easy to say ,,, he should just hang in there and get through it, and learn a few coping strategies along the way - but its a long time when its you thats having to go through it. Its not going to change, the school, teachers could talk about respect and behaviour issues to these teenagers til the cows come home, they'll not change, they clearly have no respect for authority and are just there for something to do and somewhere to go. .
Your ds has had his spirits lifted by doing the NYT and mixing with the right kind of people, so thats clearly going to have been a godsend to him, but there's no point wasting precious time at this age in a class full of numpties doing a course that he won't reach his full potential in because he's losing enthusiasm with the environment he's in and that teachers not going to gain any respect or control.
Definitely meet the Principal, asap..with your ds. Outline the problems in the class and the effect this is having on your ds and his learning and progress, and discuss options, whether he'd advise hanging on in there for a bit in the hope that the worst few loafers will not be with his class for much longer, or looking to other courses/elsewhere, but I'd certainly tell the Principal that the teacher has told your ds to change to adapt to the rest of the idiots in the class, which is just ridiculous for your ds to be advised to dumb down his passion for a subject at this level.

[riverdancefan]

I am really feeling for you and your DS who sounds like a fantastic lad!
I am afraid my oldest DS had the same issues on his BTEC music performance 2 year college course and has recently left completely to take a full-time lifeguarding post. It was something he did part-time and enjoyed, and when offered the permanent post, we all talked about it, and the issues he was facing on his college course and decided that his best course of action was to leave and take full-time employment. This was a good decision for him and he was so disillusioned , he just wanted to be in the job market.
His course was full of lazy trouble-makers, with no particular musical ability and DS was easy to push around and bully. The tutors either did not have a clue or want to know what was going on. Half the students never turned up for music practice - how on earth was he supposed to perform to his best ability with hit and miss band members? - it was a constant stress for him. The really talented musicians grouped together and left everyone else to get on with it, despite everyone supposedly mixing throughout the course to offer a skill-mix. DS being on the quieter side was put with bad singers, and students who did not give a damn and were there for something to do when they could be bothered. His guitar playing and confidence has definitely improved and he might make a bob or two playing in pubs as a hobby, so he got something out of it.
At his past and last public performance, I happened to be walking out of the auditorium when an older girl was letting rip at DS swearing and having a go saying he came in too early etc etc (he didn't). DS has Aspergers and other problems and is an easy target. She didn't figure on me being behind and listening to her ignorant rant - and she got it both barrels, as did the tutor from me that night !!
We decided as a family there was no hope of change and it was a waste of 2 years, and in employment he has blossomed into a mature and responsible man.
I guess what I am saying is - TAKE him out of the situation, don't waste 2 years of his young life in amongst wasters and idiots. He is clearly dedicated and good at what he does, there must be something else he can swap to and do where he will be supported and actually learn something.....
have a look at what else he can do?
wishing you both the very best

RDF x

[Flosmom]

I'm with the 'if you stop hitting your head against a brick wall, the pain goes away' brigade. It doesn't sound as though the course is doing him any good technically, academically or personally. He may just need to know that stopping is an option and he would have your blessing and support if he did so. He may want to hang on in there to finish year 1, but there seems little point in going back for year 2 when so many other opportunities are out there.

So he could choose to use the time available to make a really good 'Plan B' based on his experience to date and what he has learnt from it. He can always take time out from studies and use it as an opportunity - maybe to earn some money to fund the next steps. I have no idea what they may be, but other NAPMs may have some brilliant suggestions.

Of course, if DS really wants to see it through, that's up to him too. But sometimes kids (no matter how big they are) need to know that they have choices.

Good luck! And well done to you for helping him through this.

Deb x

[In4aPenny]

This can be common. If you've a group who are more interested in showing off to each other, impressing their peer group etc and that interests them more than the course, your child who is really 'into' performing will suffer in various ways. Self esteem, confidence, frustration, disbelief in the system etc.

There is nothing to be gained by staying in this course. Get yourself and your DS (mine would protest - just work through it) to the Head and get there now. Tell him/her firmly and professionally that its not acceptable nor reasonable. If you have glossy brochures from when he started (or their website) quote back whatever mission statements and other b***s**t they quote (they all do it) and show him up. Ask him what is the policy on the other students behaviour and the teacher who cannot control the class (sounds like whichever teacher is in charge they won't manage the group behaviour).

immediatley make contact with other colleges in teh area and ask about their class control etc. You might need to speak to the department head too.

I don't envy you but you must be proactive now. Your Ds will try to disuade you - he'll be worried by other knowing. Work through it or go on your own. Make an official complaint if you get nowhere but in the meantime you look at alternatives. This will put you more in control.

Let us know you get on.

[Genevieve]

At his past and last public performance, I happened to be walking out of the auditorium when an older girl was letting rip at DS swearing and having a go saying he came in too early etc etc (he didn't). DS has Aspergers and other problems and is an easy target. She didn't figure on me being behind and listening to her ignorant rant - and she got it both barrels, as did the tutor from me that night !!

Well done you I hope that wiped the smile off her face...what a gobby bully. So glad things have worked out for your ds.

tikka - I agree with In4apenny, and your ds's teacher is going through the motions of delivering the course, but he's probably just used to putting up with idiots who don't want to learn ! I also think Flosmum is absolutely spot on, that your ds needs to know there are other options and choices available to him, either now or in not too distant future, so that he's not worried he may end up in limbo, because he may just be lumping it right now. Hopefully your ds will want to let the Principal know whats going on with his course, just to see if he/she suggests a way forward - who may let you know of other options that you'd not thought of. Definitely go along too though (your ds's old enough to lead this, but you need to be there for support and air any concerns, and he can't go on his own because you should always have a witness when having meetings like this ! can't stress that enough!). A meeting with the Principal may well inform which students will be carrying on next year or not, if they're even going to be able to stay ! you never know. I hope things improve, try not to let it get you down, I'm sure all will come good whatever your ds decides to do.