Cold feet

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fairywhisperart
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Cold feet

Post by fairywhisperart »

My ds has recently been cast for a small part in a professional theatre production. It was his first audition for anything and he has little dance and singing experience. Rehearsals have just got underway, and as usual i suspect the schedule is a lttle higgledy-piggeldy! After a couple of late nights, my ds is somewhat overtired. He usually goes to bed around 8.30pm on school nights. Tonight he expressed that hes not sure if he really wants to carry on or not. He now has a break till Thursday. Do you think it is the tiredness talking or should i be concerned. Is this normal talk for a 10 yr old? (let me just say.......prior to this my son has not even really done after school clubs or anything so rehearsals are possibly quite a shock) Any advic would be much appreciated. I really dont want to push, just encourage :(
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Genevieve
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Re: Cold feet

Post by Genevieve »

aaaah, he's used to his schedule I guess, and switching off after school and doing his own thing - It is tiring rehearsing, and when the performances are underway he'll have to concentrate again and that's tiring too ! but it gets easier the more shows they do as its all so exciting, they forget how tired they are !
Perhaps he should just go to the next rehearsal and see how he goes, and see if he's still wobbly about it - Even if he has dinner before he goes to rehearsals, it can be near to a 10 o'clock night with these things can't it. Does he have a performance schedule thats manageable ? My dd went in late a couple of mornings to school, and they were very understanding, but my dd was older than your ds.
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Caroline A-C
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Re: Cold feet

Post by Caroline A-C »

I remember Jo Hawes saying how tired our children would get during this process - she said that they would be bad tempered and horrible so your ds is totally normal and probably it is the tiredness talking. My dd was 8 when she started rehearsing professionally and she did get shattered. We did let her sleep in on the odd morning. Have you had a word with the chaperone - would be worth letting her/him know what is going on.
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Flosmom
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Re: Cold feet

Post by Flosmom »

Isn't it difficult to balance opportunities and enthusiasm? You know your son, and at 10 years old he also knows his own mind, so only you and he together can judge whether he really isn't enjoying the experience or just having a bit of a wobble.

I have one child who, once committed to doing something, really gets stuck in, and one who blows hot and cold. With DD2 I have to balance the need to teach her to deliver on what she has promised to do (an important life skill) with a recognition that this shouldn't make her life a misery at age 7. Interestingly, DD2 is also a child who needs her sleep.

First and foremost, these opportunities are supposed to be fun. So if he isn't having fun (by and large - its also hard work at times) then don't do it. If I were in your shoes with my DC, I would have a conversation that recognises that the schedule is tough but that it's what they signed up to do. Then agree to set a deadline, not too far away (possibly at the end of this week) at which point they can decide whether to continue or pull out. That way, I'd know that a decision to continue is based on experience of the schedule, or a decision to pull out isn't a knee-jerk reaction to a few late nights.

In the meantime, get early nights whenever possible.

If, when the deadline comes, your DC confirms that he doesn't want to continue, respect his right to stop. Also respect the production company's need to deliver a show and tell them straight away so they can find a substitute.

Remember, it's not the end of the world if he doesn't continue. He can always audition again sometime in the future when he feels more able to manage the late nights. Or stick to film/TV work if it suits him better. OK, you'll be disappointed, but our kids don't do these things for our benefit, right? Sometimes great parenting involves supporting them to reflect on choices and change their minds - with dignity.

Of course, there's every chance that it is just a wobble and by Saturday he'll be loving it all again. :D

I hope this is helpful - feel free to disregard this advice if it doesn't sit well with you. You are the expert on your family and your DS. This is a tough dilemma and it's very brave of you to be facing it head on, early on, as you are. Good for you!

Good luck

Deb x
puck
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Re: Cold feet

Post by puck »

The first show my dd took part in had rehearsals from 7.30 till 10pm once or twice a week as it was an adult amateur society's production but she was only just 6 and normally in bed by about 7.30. I got her (and her older sister who was also taking part) into a pattern on rehearsal nights of coming home from school having a snack and going to bed for a couple of hours then would wake her up and give her a proper meal before heading off to rehearsals. The first few times she didn't actually sleep but I think even resting in bed was beneficial. I let her sleep as late as possible in the mornings and at weekends but she was never late to school the next day. Don't know if this would be the sort of thing you could try. She did however love rehearsals/performances so the deal was no rest, no rehearsal and the risk of being replaced!
pg
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Re: Cold feet

Post by pg »

As Flosmum says, you'll know your child best. I did sometimes find that both mine needed a bit of a moan to a safe person, especially if something had gone awry in a rehearsal. I've also worked with large numbers of children in productions and occasionally some have been certain they wanted to pull out - and have done so, usually at the very start. Others have said they wanted to pull out and then when we dug a little deeper, we discovered that the reason was something we could fix - or at least alleviate - and they've gone on to have a great time. I know my children sometimes were a bit miserable because of something that happened in rehearsal, so it might be worth trying to find out whether something specific has triggered this uncertainty. My dd was particularly bothered by adults losing their cool (not that that ever happens in rehearsals ;) ), especially if she felt unfairly criticised. Is there any chance that something like this might have occurred?
fairywhisperart
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Re: Cold feet

Post by fairywhisperart »

Wow...what great advice you guys!!!! Firstly i am not offended by any of the advice at all. My biggest concern is my ds, and i really wouldnt push him to carry on if he was really not enjoying it. I am keen for him to realise that he did commit and with it their are responsibilities. I think hes finding it tough, missing tv shows he enjoys watching and playing with his cousin, but most of all i think hes not used to the some of the adults putting the pressure on the kids to get things right and remember them. He was cast a fairly small part and i actually think he feels a bit left out to some of the kids who are more involved. He actually said tonight, they wouldnt really miss him anyway as his part is so small.
The puzzler is that when he left his last rehearsal, he was absolutely buzzing and when i said 'have you enjoyed yourself?', his first reaction was 'i LOVED it!!!!!!'
Maybe when he has time to reflec,t he worries that he may get into trouble for not remembering things 8-[ all know
I will see what happens tomorrow and let you :?
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Genevieve
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Re: Cold feet

Post by Genevieve »

fairywhisperart wrote: He was cast a fairly small part and i actually think he feels a bit left out to some of the kids who are more involved. He actually said tonight, they wouldnt really miss him anyway as his part is so small.
The puzzler is that when he left his last rehearsal, he was absolutely buzzing and when i said 'have you enjoyed yourself?', his first reaction was 'i LOVED it!!!!!!'
Maybe when he has time to reflec,t he worries that he may get into trouble for not remembering things 8-[ all know
I will see what happens tomorrow and let you :?
bless him. Perhaps then, his reaction is not because he's tired so much, but more because he soooo wants to be involved, and he's peeved he's not a bigger part ? I mean, for what its worth, perhaps its good to reassure him how well he's done getting the role he's got, and its good for him because it will give him experience to go on and do more later, and a bigger part could come his way next time ! and its a good starting off with a smaller part so that he doesn't have to remember too much ?
fairywhisperart
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Re: Cold feet

Post by fairywhisperart »

Genevieve wrote:
fairywhisperart wrote: He was cast a fairly small part and i actually think he feels a bit left out to some of the kids who are more involved. He actually said tonight, they wouldnt really miss him anyway as his part is so small.
The puzzler is that when he left his last rehearsal, he was absolutely buzzing and when i said 'have you enjoyed yourself?', his first reaction was 'i LOVED it!!!!!!'
Maybe when he has time to reflec,t he worries that he may get into trouble for not remembering things 8-[ all know
I will see what happens tomorrow and let you :?
bless him. Perhaps then, his reaction is not because he's tired so much, but more because he soooo wants to be involved, and he's peeved he's not a bigger part ? I mean, for what its worth, perhaps its good to reassure him how well he's done getting the role he's got, and its good for him because it will give him experience to go on and do more later, and a bigger part could come his way next time ! and its a good starting off with a smaller part so that he doesn't have to remember too much ?

Thanks Genevieve...i have constantly told him how extremely well he has done and that he will gain such experience from this. His whole family have been very supportive to be honest. He says he will give the next rehearsal a shot and then we will have to discuss more. Unfortunately i'm worried if he pulls out now then he will pretty much say goodbye to any more chances at our most local theatre. I am limited to where he can audition with not being a driver.
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GEORGIEROSE
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Re: Cold feet

Post by GEORGIEROSE »

dd was very very small 12 year old when she did all this had she been younger we would have got the wobbles I am sure-its normal They will all have 'moments' :D
pg
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Re: Cold feet

Post by pg »

fairywhisperart wrote:Unfortunately i'm worried if he pulls out now then he will pretty much say goodbye to any more chances at our most local theatre. I am limited to where he can audition with not being a driver.
I would like to believe that any decent, reasonably experienced director of children would understand that a child can find something difficult one year and then another year is entirely ready for the experience. Similarly, lots of children (though probably not the majority of those on this site!) "grow out of it" and after a year or two of enjoying performance, just naturally find that other interests take its place.

I completely understand your concern, your original post could have been written by lots of parents I think.

I sympathise with your son, too. I think it's much, much harder to have a smaller part - especially if he's not just there for the friendship/social aspect of it, or if he hasn't yet found someone he can spend the "down" time with. There can be lots of boredom and waiting around and, intentionally or not, the creative team will give more attention to those with more to do.

It sounds to me as though you are doing every thing you can and will probably just have to wait and see how he gets on...
Fruitcake
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Re: Cold feet

Post by Fruitcake »

Aaaaah, bless him. I think you are doing exactly the right thing by listening to him, but giving him a bit longer to make up his mind to make sure it's not just a temporary blip (which I'm sure it is).

I also agree wholeheartedly with PG - any director will know that kids can blow hot and cold and won't hold it agains your DS in the future if he decides the time's not quite right for him now. I know of a little boy whose parents took him out of a WE show because he had become very unhappy for various reasons, but he was still cast in another WE show 6 months later, and invited to audition for others after that.

At the end of the day, you know your DS better than anyone, and you will know what to do when the time comes.
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fairywhisperart
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Re: Cold feet

Post by fairywhisperart »

Thanks so much ladies......thought i would update you.

Ds was grumpy again on the night of rehearsal, but with a bit of persuasion and encouragement he said he would give it another go. Once he was in the rehearsal room, i explained all to the chaperone, including all possible reasons! She was lovely and reassuring and said she would keep an exra special eye out for him that night. Apparently later on, my ds said she checked on him and made sure he was ok!. She told me that it was very common and maybe in the future to get him involved more in dance, theatre classes etc in his spare time to to get him more used to a different routine and to enhance the skills he already has. Anyway, afterwards my son came out of rehearsals. Back came the smile and the enjoyment of telling me what he had been doing!! Prancing his way along the corridors, i again felt relieved!!! I think it was a little blip and now my ds is talking quite positively about his involvement in the production. Think the key point now is to get lots of rest whenever we can :-k
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Re: Cold feet

Post by Fruitcake »

Ahh, I'm so pleased he's now enjoying it again. He's very lucky to have such an understanding and supportive Mum. The chaperone sounds lovely, too.

Thanks for the update.
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riverdancefan
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Re: Cold feet

Post by riverdancefan »

That is excellent news
so pleased it has a good outcome \:D/
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