Parenting a performing arts child

Ask each other for help and advice!

Moderator: busybusybusy

Post Reply
Hilltop
GRAMMY Award
Posts: 137
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 3:46 pm

Parenting a performing arts child

Post by Hilltop »

Hello,

This may seem like a strange post, but I just wanted to see how more experienced parents felt. I just wondered whether parenting a performing child or aspiring performer is more stressful and hard work that children that have 'normal' extra curricular activities?

Just to give some background, I used to work full time but have been freelancing part time since I had burnout a couple of years ago and I do suffer a bit from anxiety and stress. My DD is only 12 but wants to do musical theatre when she's older and is involved in an all day (9am-6pm) performing arts school on Saturday, plus a LAMDA/drama lesson, private singing lesson and a technical dance class during the week. This is quite a lot compared to her peers, but I realise this is pretty standard for children who aspire to do performing arts and probably not as much as some others. She's also heavily involved in performing arts activities at her school as well, such as dance clubs/competitions and the school shows. She has been in the odd local am dram show, but not much.

I feel like there is no way that I could work full time again at the moment, as I just seem to have no energy or time! Other parents don't seem to understand, especially friends who work full time with children. I have another child, DS who's 8, but he is not interested in doing anything outside school (which is a blessing!). There always seems to be some clothing to buy, lessons to pay for or routines/monologues/song to learn for my DD. Don't get me wrong, I love helping her and see her develop and flourish, but other parent's don't seem to understand, which can be frustrating.

So my question is (if you've read this far!) does or has anyone else felt this way and also, is it harder for parents who work full time or have inflexible jobs to support your children with these activities, do you think? I just feel a bit pathetic, not being able to work more hours at the moment!
lawn
GRAMMY Award
Posts: 407
Joined: Sat Apr 23, 2016 4:19 am

Re: Parenting a performing arts child

Post by lawn »

Hi

I have 2 children. The eldest is 18 this weekend and his extra curricular activities were along the lines of Beavers/Cubs/Scouts, swimming lessons, a brief time at St Johns Ambulance and other than the swimming where I had to stay, the rest were drop off and pick up and with the exception of St Johns when he was 15/16 he'd packed the rest in by the time he got to Secondary school.

DD however fell in love with drama when she was 10 (a later age than many) and it's far more hands on and busier and (can be) expensive, and she doesn't dance - that's even more time consuming. We are out 4 times a week one week, twice the other, drama class, private singing lessons, private drama lesson, musical theatre (singing) class. She's in yr10 and I've already told her, something has to go before September or she'll never get her GCSEs which she needs to get on to the next step. Something I do very much regret was putting my own worklife on hold. A job vacancy came up around the same time DD was signed up to an agency. The agency has connections to my DD's drama group and they had spotted her from some filming her teacher did. Thinking DD would be asked to attend auditions I thought I was better off staying with my ad-hoc job. As it happened after 3 auditions, they dried up and my ad-hoc job came to an end.
Pandora II
GRAMMY Award
Posts: 199
Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2016 11:58 pm

Re: Parenting a performing arts child

Post by Pandora II »

I think it depends on the age of the child, exactly how aspirational they are (and how likely their aspirations are to turn into work) and how flexible your job is.

I have an 8 year old DD who is very, very keen on MT. She currently does 2 x modern, 1 x ballet, 1 x guitar and gymnastics during the week. Friday evenings are taken up with her singing class and then we come into London on a Sunday for her MT classes. We're about to add tap, so that will take up another evening session. DH and I both work full time and so she's at after school club every day as well. Pretty much every evening and most of the weekend is taken up with classes or practice. She also does full-time MT courses in school holidays. She started on this whole thing when she was 4, but it's only been the last 2 years that she has started getting really serious about it.

I honestly don't know how I would manage if she wasn't an only child - both in terms of time and in terms of cost. Almost all my spare time is spent facilitating and I literally have nightmares about the logistics of it all - I have a fairly senior role in a sector that is known for its long hours and high stress, and having a sudden meeting or event land on me that is outside normal hours does involve a fair degree of panicked phone-calls and juggling. On the other hand, because of that, if I need to borrow a few hours in the middle of the day for an audition then my company are very flexible - swings and roundabouts. My husband is also pretty good at stepping in when needed.

I admit that I find the whole audition process hideously stressful even if DD positively thrives on it. She's not got as far as being cast yet, but has made final rounds for the WE a couple of times and has a recall for the next Matilda round at the moment so she's doing okay. It does mean having to arrange time off work and school at pretty short notice, and given she now nearly 9 and we've just signed with a new agent, that situation may arise more often. Doing it all myself was very stressful and I admit I feel a pretty huge sense of relief that I can hand over a bit on that.

To be honest, your daughter's age does mean that you will be spared most of that - once they get to 13, or over 5ft, or develop in any way, they are pretty much out of the running for everything until they turn 16 and are out of licence. At that age, they then don't need the same amount of handholding - they can get themselves to classes and auditions... parents just get to pay for all the classes still :)

Friends and family are reasonably supportive although probably think we are a bit mad - not sure they totally get why we won't miss classes for things, and we had to pull out of a family weekend away when the Matilda audition came up. Some family have been a bit shocked when I've explained what it would mean if she does get cast in terms of no holidays, no going away etc for 8-9 months at a time and I've had to be quite strict in explaining that while we will say yes to certain long-term commitments like 70th birthday weekends and family weddings in 12 months time, IF (and it's always a big IF) she gets cast then we will not be able to attend and I don't want tears and tantrums about it.

As far as the stress of endless classes, and the joy that is the audition waiting-room... that is what NAPM is for... people here tend to 'get it' and it's nice to be able to have the odd moan to people who know that while it's not always fun and there generally aren't the happy endings, we all know how much it means to our children and how important it is that we are there to support and encourage and dry the tears.

I have friends who have children who are doing gymnastics and swimming at a very high level and that seems even more intensive and stressful, so I do feel a bit lucky!
Foodfairy
Nominee
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2016 6:18 am

Re: Parenting a performing arts child

Post by Foodfairy »

I think it's hard having any child who is seriously training for something. Football, gymnastics, music all take up an extraordinary amount of time and require a lot from parents. Just count yourself lucky swimming doesn't figure - 5.30am training sessions at a pool are something I would dread.

Where theatre gets really complicated (sorry) is when they actually get a job! DD has been lucky enough to get parts in a couple of London shows. In the excitement of getting cast it's hard to sit down and actually work out how much time it takes out of parents.

Rehearsals can last up to 3 months and that requires parents to bring children to London location and then sit around for up to 6 hrs before taking them home. Some shows rehearse 5 days a week. And schedules change, so you have to again juggle work/school/your employer at the last minute. Once play is up and running you are still dropping off and picking up from theatre a couple of times a week. 6pm drop off then 10.30 pick up in crowded Soho 3x a week is sometimes fun, often expensive and very tiring after a while! The people I know who have negotiated this relatively well (including myself) are those who work flexibly and can merrily work away in cafes. Or don't work at all or have amazing grandparents. I think 2 parents with full-time jobs would struggle to be honest.

It's an amazing opportunity and I'm very grateful that we have been able to do it. But yes other people often don't understand how full-on it is.
Hilltop
GRAMMY Award
Posts: 137
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 3:46 pm

Re: Parenting a performing arts child

Post by Hilltop »

Hi all,

Many thanks for your replies. It's reassuring to know that it's normal to feel this way and I take on board your comments about activities like swimming and gymnastics being the same.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), we live just outside the 45 mins travelling limit for London and it would be impossible (or at least really challenging) for us to support my DD in a West End show, due to my husband's work and childcare for my younger son. My DD auditioned for NYMT and YMTuk this year for the first time and that gave us an insight into the logistics and stress of London based auditions! I do feel that she has missed out though as now that I finally realise she is very serious about all of this, she is too old for us to even try! She enjoyed the YMTuk audition but was very intimidated at the NYMT audition because a lot of the other children there had already appeared in West End shows, so I do worry a bit that she has missed out. Though saying that she may never have actually got in!

Anyway, thanks again for your replies.
Post Reply