At wit's end

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ghostofpp
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Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2008 10:42 am

Re: At wit's end

Post by ghostofpp » Wed May 01, 2019 2:20 pm

Wish I'd expressed at the time how grateful I was for the responses to this. Better embarrassingly late than never!

An update, in case someone is in my position would find this helpful:

1 month after posting, I got a 'featured extra' part (via NYT) in an amazing film, and auditioned for the Lyric and Almeida theatre young companies. These were the best auditions in my life. People from recalls that I met, months later, said how impressed they were, and I too felt I did a good job.

Inexplicably, I was rejected from both of these opportunities. The streak of bad luck seemed unending after NYT rejected me again with no recall, in spite of another audition in which I did as well as anyone else. Those things have always been subjective, yet the failure does not get easier to overcome.

I didn't give up and, eventually, realised that theatre wasn't for me. Film auditions went super well even if I didn't get the part so I applied for lots of films using Mandy. I got the lead role in a graduate film which shot on location in March.

Unfortunately while filming another actor verbally bullied me and the experience turned into a nightmare as I had no protection (no close friends, agent etc). So two months after that I didn't really know where I was or what was happening.

I was on the waiting list for therapy and eventually started CBT but it was completely crap. Then I started going to the gym, which I built up slowly and now it's the best anti-depressant I have.

Then, the people shooting the film contacted me asking to do re-shoots because midway through filming it became a feature film. I said no, obviously.

I met with an agent who rejected me eventually, and last week I was rejected by another. I've sent a few self tapes off for open castings and am waiting to hear back from them. One positive thing that happened is that a CD emailed me after one self tape saying it's one of the best they've ever received, but ultimately the director decided to go with someone else.

Resilience is something I am still learning, but it feels like I am wasting my time so I cancelled my Spotlight membership even though I know that I want very badly to act in TV and films. Hand on heart it is the only job I want to do right now. I have no answers for anyone, other than you have to keep going and treat yourself kindly -- something I have failed at but hope to get better at.

And, in the meantime, I try not to think about my friends from university, earning £70K in the City. They probably are unhappy too, in their own ways.

ghostofpp
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Posts: 51
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2008 10:42 am

Re: At wit's end

Post by ghostofpp » Wed May 01, 2019 2:38 pm

I wanted to add that only on this website I felt genuine support from people , so thank you again, to everyone

RoseTowers4
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Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2011 3:37 pm

Re: At wit's end

Post by RoseTowers4 » Wed May 01, 2019 10:16 pm

ghostofpp be kind to yourself - it sounds like you've been through a lot lately and sometimes it's okay to take a breath and give yourself a break. Go to the gym if it makes you feel better and try not to focus too much on the negative. I hope you get your dreams but be kind to yourself in the meantime. X

Yorkshirepudding
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Re: At wit's end

Post by Yorkshirepudding » Thu May 02, 2019 2:44 pm

Yes 100% to what RoseTowers says about being kind to yourself.
And maybe take some time to reflect on what you Have achieved, rather than focusing on what hasn't gone the way you wanted.

I'm not a huge believer in the 'If you believe in yourself your dreams will come true' philosphy. I think sometimes things we want very much and work hard for just don't happen.

But there will be useful things learnt, transferable skills developed and contacts made, and maybe opportunities exist which are connected to the original dream, which might be more fruitful. So be open to redefining success and looking more broadly at how to achieve something in your area of interest.

I hope things improve for you and that you are able to reflect with pride on your hard work and resilience to date.

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