Complete U turn!

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Adrianna1312
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Complete U turn!

Postby Adrianna1312 » Fri Mar 09, 2018 2:01 pm

Sorry in advance for the long post. I wondered if anyone else had a child in a similar position.
DS has wanted to act since he was 4. He's now 13. He's always done drama clubs, school productions etc. He does after school club once a week, LAMDA with private tutor another night, and all day Saturday with a school to do acting, singing etc. He's was offered a place at a private drama school back in November but we couldn't make it work, he was gutted. He's got an agent and been doing auditions etc He's had it all planned out, GCSE's, A levels then onto drama school.
Then about a month ago he decided to throw it all in. Notice to agent, turned down two really good auditions, no more LAMDA, after school club and no intention of returning to Saturday school once the term ends. Drama doesn't even feature on his GCSE options form anymore. He's withdrawing from everything.
We've tried chatting about it, asking if everything is ok, anything happened etc but get nothing. I'm really puzzled and a little worried. Anyone else had a child have a complete change of heart?

2good2hurry
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby 2good2hurry » Fri Mar 09, 2018 2:44 pm

I'm new here and can't offer a similar experience, but just a thought. My own DS talks to me so much better when we are driving in the car. I don't think he feels like i'm quizzing him too much rather than having a little chat.

It might be worth a try.

possiblypushy
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby possiblypushy » Fri Mar 09, 2018 4:30 pm

That's quite a turnaround! Have you checked with his form teacher to see if there's a problem at school? Maybe a classmate made a wisecrack about your son's activities: you have to be a strong person to put up with the flak if you don't conform to the gender stereotypes (and 13 is a very sensitive age for children). No one bats an eyelid at girls doing ballet and drama, but a boy will still get a raised eyebrow, sniggers or downright rude comments from unenlightened types (not just other boys either - grandparents and friends who should know better can't seem to help themselves).
Is he still interested in other things: sport, music, films, pets, etc.? If he seems perfectly happy in all other areas of his life (eating and sleeping well) then you might just have to accept that that was then and this is now. And if this is the end of the road as far as performing is concerned, then at least he has gained many skills that will help him for the rest of his life.

PS: If you haven't seen it yet, I would recommend taking your son to see The Greatest Showman - Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron are amazing in it and it might just reignite your son's passion for performing. It's also a great story about not being ashamed of who you are - always a good message.
I definitely agree with 2good2hurry too - DS and I have lovely conversations in the car (as long as he hasn't got his phone on him!).

Ditzi
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby Ditzi » Fri Mar 09, 2018 4:49 pm

I remember reading a similar post on here, I can’t remember under what section or title, sorry. I haven’t been in this situation so can’t comment from experience, but I’m of the opinion that if he wants to take a break, let him do so. I don’t think insisting that he carries on would make him want to continue. It might be just a phase and once he stopped he realises he misses it and start again, or maybe he just doesn’t enjoy it any more. Whatever his reason, let him decide. As long as there’s no reason for concern and he’s happy, I’m sure he’ll strive in whatever he chooses, drama gives you skills for life. I agree with the previous post, kids do talk better when out, mine 2 open up to me when we are on our way somewhere. Good luck, I hope you get to the bottom of it soon. X

Adrianna1312
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby Adrianna1312 » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:18 pm

Thanks everyone. He does tend to talk more in the car but at the moment we just get tears! He's lost interest in other things too. He used to write, do a tech blog, but has stopped. He doesn't read much anymore either.
I spoke with his tutor yesterday and asked if she could ask his teachers if there is anything we need to be made aware of. Hopefully if there is anything it will come to light.
We are supporting his decision to stop and have given the required notice to his agent and various tutors/clubs. Everyone has responded with shock, suprise and sadness that they will stop working with him. We shall just have to see xx

Rose20
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby Rose20 » Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:55 pm

Hi, my daughter changed her mind about performing as a career choice but still really enjoys her clubs. For her it was the realisation of how hard it is to make a living out of it.
However I am concerned that your son is giving up other hobbies and is in tears. I hope he opens up to you about what is going on. You could also give him the number for Child Line if he needs someone ananymous to talk to first x

biscuitsneeded
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby biscuitsneeded » Sat Mar 10, 2018 12:09 am

My DS is about to turn 13 and has had a lot of grief from some boys at school about what he does. So far it hasn't affected his wish to perform but he definitely has been made to feel very self-conscious and 'uncool'. Luckily he has some lovely female friends at school who accept him as he is and he has enough role models in his performing life to see that none of the teasing will matter once he leaves the oiks behind. Could your son be having a rough time from other boys? After a particularly upsetting time last term I took mine to see Everybody's talking about Jamie. We laughed, cried and went home thoroughly uplifted. I guess all you can do is keep offering to take him to watch things that might re-ignite the joy.

Carmelca22
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby Carmelca22 » Sat Mar 10, 2018 10:12 pm

So sorry to hear about this, Adrianna. The change of heart over performing arts is one thing - and people have made some really good comments about how you could tackle that. However, if he has also lost interest in other things that he used to enjoy then I would be worried because that could be a sign of depression. You mention tears as well. Depression is very common among this age group - maybe try to see if you can get him some counselling? I know from experience that they don't always want to talk to parents - someone outside the family may be better. GP /school may be able to recommend someone.

Adrianna1312
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby Adrianna1312 » Tue Mar 13, 2018 6:10 pm

Thank you everyone for your replies. We've made progress with school and he's going to be put in contact with thier councillor and if he wants to talk he can. We have made slight process at home and starting putting bits together. It all seems to have come about after a not to great weekend with his dad! Apparently acting/drama isn't a real job and is a load of nonsense for puffs!! :shock: You have to love when the adults in their lives are so supportive :(

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Caroline A-C
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby Caroline A-C » Wed Mar 14, 2018 8:57 am

OMG - it really annoys me when comments like that are made. It is utterly untrue and can do so much damage. My DH used to say very similar to my DS but it had the opposite effect on him but he will never forget how hard his father made it for him and their relationship has never really recovered. He also did it with DD who actually became very ill. I think your DH really needs to have a serious talk with your DS to undo what he has done. If this really is the reason for your DS's drastic change, he will not be happy doing his second choice of career and needs to follow his passion fully supported.
All new to me!

Adrianna1312
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby Adrianna1312 » Wed Mar 14, 2018 9:58 am

Thank you Caroline for sharing. It's awful to hear theses things and really does frustrate me. My ex husband has never had a great relationship with my DS and DS has now reached the point where he doesn't want to see him so I'm now dealing with that.
I'm hoping, with taking to someone and also he still has a week with a theatre school in the summer to do, he will find his spark and passion again. He did ask me to send off his CV and headshot for a job last night so you never know xx

jennifer1972
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby jennifer1972 » Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:52 am

Adrianna1312 wrote:Thank you everyone for your replies. We've made progress with school and he's going to be put in contact with thier councillor and if he wants to talk he can. We have made slight process at home and starting putting bits together. It all seems to have come about after a not to great weekend with his dad! Apparently acting/drama isn't a real job and is a load of nonsense for puffs!! :shock: You have to love when the adults in their lives are so supportive :(


What century is he living in? :-s

Adrianna1312
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby Adrianna1312 » Wed Mar 14, 2018 12:42 pm

jennifer1972 wrote:
Adrianna1312 wrote:Thank you everyone for your replies. We've made progress with school and he's going to be put in contact with thier councillor and if he wants to talk he can. We have made slight process at home and starting putting bits together. It all seems to have come about after a not to great weekend with his dad! Apparently acting/drama isn't a real job and is a load of nonsense for puffs!! :shock: You have to love when the adults in their lives are so supportive :(


What century is he living in? :-s


I'm really not sure but not the right one that's for sure!

jennifer1972
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby jennifer1972 » Wed Mar 14, 2018 3:53 pm

Adrianna1312 wrote:
jennifer1972 wrote:
Adrianna1312 wrote:Thank you everyone for your replies. We've made progress with school and he's going to be put in contact with thier councillor and if he wants to talk he can. We have made slight process at home and starting putting bits together. It all seems to have come about after a not to great weekend with his dad! Apparently acting/drama isn't a real job and is a load of nonsense for puffs!! :shock: You have to love when the adults in their lives are so supportive :(


What century is he living in? :-s


I'm really not sure but not the right one that's for sure!


:lol: :lol:

Proseccoplease
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Re: Complete U turn!

Postby Proseccoplease » Wed Mar 14, 2018 8:47 pm

I have had similar with DS when he started secondary and we ended up moving him to another school for year 8-all rather traumatic but he was getting teased for dance etc (and pretty badly bullied) and felt he had to hide who he was so just didn't know any drama or dance where he could be seen. Wanted to give all his dance up outside of school too. Also saw a counsellor. Lots of tears-slaming doors and angry songs being composed and yelled! Now he's at a new school complete with a performing arts scholarship and is so happy and confident. It's such a sensitive age and for boys they have everything thrown against them so to keep going they have to have so much support and when one of their main adults isn't being it must be so tough. Hang on in there and I hope he gets the support he needs and you get your happy son back. I really feel for you x


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