NotaPushyMum.Com

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/100831 ... -told.html

couldn't believe I was reading such nonsense in the Telegraph - I will continue to tell my daughter on occasion that she's beautiful, that she's good at things, praise written work too, praise her in everything she does, particularly where as a mum I can see she needs reassurance of any kind. I think it's really important to tell our daughter's they are beautiful, especially as they develop their sense of identity and going through differing issues with social groups and friendships, if their own mother doesn't tell them ???.really just nonsensical advice by this minister.

Well, I think she has a point - even if not particularly well-made.

I don't think it is her place to tell me what I should be telling my children - but I do think there is far too much emphasis placed on how people look in this world; particularly girls.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

Martin Luther King, Jr.



You could replace "color of their skin" by "appearance".

to suggest that it's common place (which is why I'm assuming she commented in the first place) that parents just concentrate soley on praising dds on their looks alone, and that alone, is presumptious, rather insulting and as you say pg, her point gets lost a bit, because its rather more about the image of women in media and its influence on girls to fit that image leading to disorders which is what the inference is
- the headline I think is therefore unfortunate and misleading - bear in mind this Minister is not a parent. And telling our dds they are beautiful is a completely different issue to parents commenting on and drawing attention to our dds 'size' in comparison to perfect images or even, comparing to their peers. Better to tell our dds their beautiful than not complimenting them on their appearance...which would be more likely to lead them to have low self esteem and self-image issues, as research has proven

Just to twist this around a little, my 23 year old son is very thin and tried to beef up by doing weights. He now has a very impressive 6 pack and large bicepts but with his clothes on he still looks thin (with his 28ins waist). He commented on the male models in shaving adverts and asks what else could he do? He even tried protein drinks. I tell he is lucky but he doesn't think so. He feels he has a boys figure. So it's not just girls who are influenced by the media images and aspire to look 'perfect'.

Wouldn't not telling your child that they look nice once a day/week (etc) only put down their self esteem?
Being a kid, I know that if we don't get compliments every once in a while we can overreact and feel as though we aren't good enough as we are. Therefore we would spend our time trying to look better in order to get compliments or to just be noticed. (I hope that makes sense to you guys)

I think there are good ways to bolster someone's self-esteem without it being about the way they look though - isn't that what this article is about?

Of course, if your child is concerned about looks and feeling insecure, then reassurance is an obvious need (and I can't imagine most parents would miss it, would they? - maybe they would). However, I think I do understand the reasons behind this article (though I still think it is not a minister's place to tell people how they should bring up their children!). I don't think the intention is that one should not reassure someone, just that this reassurance or praise should not always be weighted towards how someone looks. I think "don't you look nice!" is very easy to say. "What a pretty girl" "Aren't you gorgeous?" "What a lovely dress!" "I love your sparkly shoes" "Give us a twirl" "wow, what a stunner" - these are all pretty common. It is less common from strangers or mere acquaintances to have praise about being kind, or hard-working or brave or patient. Yet, these are really more important than what one looks like.

I think she's picking the wrong people to criticise though. I suspect parents (those that think about these things) do give praise and reassurance about things other than looks(as well as about looks, I mean). The problem is more to do with "how pretty you look" becoming the sort of compliment and validation a child or teenager might consider more worthwhile than "how kind you are".

the minister is not a parent, and this is pretty evident - the example she gives is praising for doing a jigsaw puzzle ! hmm
True that body image is an issue for both girls and boys - looking at airbrushed size zero models and heavily oil muscling male models flexing is not what our children should aspire to, healthy yes, but extremes and unattainable for most !

Praise for doing a jigsaw puzzle will do nothing but help a child realize that by carrying out and fully completing a task is a good thing.
Her points do make sense but who is a non-mum to tell a mum how to take care of kids?

SNN wrote:who is a non-mum to tell a mum how to take care of kids?

Amen to that

This is the same minister who tried to ban easter egg packaging

Here's a response to the minister's article by a writer for The Independent. An interesting alternative viewpoint:

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/com ... 40751.html

I think that's a great article LivingtheDream. It neatly avoids coming down on one side of the fence or the other - but then, that's life isn't it? Most answers to most questions have an element of "it depends" about them.

This article also touches on the business of praise and compliments. I think this is probably something most NAPM's (and Dads) are likely to wonder about. How far should praise and congratulations and compliments go? Is there a danger of someone getting too big for their boots - or heading for a fall - or constantly feeling that they have to achieve in order to please?

The Telegraph headline screams:

"MINISTER SAYS:DON'T TELL YOUR DAUGHTERS THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL!"

But she didn't actually say that

In the small print we read:

"The Scotswoman said that to praise someone for their appearance wasn't bad in itself... but urged parents to put comments about looks in their "appropriate place".

It makes sense that you should praise effort if you want kids to try their best, and that praising talent or looks will just lead to complacency, as it is not something the child has any control over. If you praise stuff your child can control, you empower her to bring about the positive change that you identify in your praise.

I also heard this and now keep telling all my children they are beautiful to which they reply 'bad Mum'.