What to do when parents are unsupportive?

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loladd33
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What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by loladd33 » Sun Jul 01, 2018 10:07 pm

Hi all,
My dd’s friend is very talented in musical theatre and could have a future ahead of her. Although her parents pay for dance, singing and acting classes, come to watch her shows and take her to rehearsals etc they aren’t supportive of her doing it as a career. They believe she won’t make any money (often true) and they also beloved that all drama school is ridiculously expensive (not always true). She is academic as are both her parents (one lawyer, one headteacher) and they believe she should follow that path.
Any advice anybody has would be greatly appreciated as she is starting to get very down about it. Thank you! X

Laurellen
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Re: What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by Laurellen » Sun Jul 01, 2018 10:44 pm

Have you tried talking to them?
Suggesting that as long as she has a back up plan of being a dance teacher/ choreographer /owning her own dance school/producing plays and musicals, then she can do what she loves and make money.

Maybe she could go to a university that has a really good extra curricular musical theatre department. I know a few girls who have done that. One who is doing physics because her Parents wanted her to have a degree. She is doing more singing and acting than ever and has written a musical. Another girl also takes part in lots of shows and teaches ballet at her uni.

There is also nothing to stop her from going to a theatre school later.

Finally the fact is if she getting the degree loan it’s also her that has to pay it back.
I can never understand a parent who thinks telling their young adult to do something they don’t want to do will
Make them achieve?? Who wants their kids to be unhappy?

loladd33
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Re: What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by loladd33 » Mon Jul 02, 2018 8:01 am

Laurellen wrote:Have you tried talking to them?
Suggesting that as long as she has a back up plan of being a dance teacher/ choreographer /owning her own dance school/producing plays and musicals, then she can do what she loves and make money.

Maybe she could go to a university that has a really good extra curricular musical theatre department. I know a few girls who have done that. One who is doing physics because her Parents wanted her to have a degree. She is doing more singing and acting than ever and has written a musical. Another girl also takes part in lots of shows and teaches ballet at her uni.

There is also nothing to stop her from going to a theatre school later.

Finally the fact is if she getting the degree loan it’s also her that has to pay it back.
I can never understand a parent who thinks telling their young adult to do something they don’t want to do will
Make them achieve?? Who wants their kids to be unhappy?
Those are really good ideas thank you! It’s just at the moment she and dd have their hearts set on drama school at 18 - obviously it’s no guarantee they’ll get it - they both want to audition at the same time.
Dd’s Friend’s parents are supportive in every other way, for some reason they just find this hard to grasp. X

Ditzi
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Re: What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by Ditzi » Mon Jul 02, 2018 11:09 am

I think your dd’s friend should have a serious talk to her parents and emphasise how much this is the career/path she wants to take and that not having their support brings her down and that she wants to take that risk. It is a worry for all parents as this industry is so unpredictable, but I believe the ultimate decision should lie with the children, it is their life after all. She can explain to them that it is a burning desire that she needs to follow this path and if she feels that at a later date it doesn’t work for her there’s other directions she can put her skills into - produce, backstage work, casting, maybe go into media studies, I think the possibilities are endless. If she doesn’t try she will never know. I hope she manages to get through to them. I know personally I always want my children to be honest, their happiness is all that matters.

RoseTowers4
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Re: What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by RoseTowers4 » Mon Jul 02, 2018 1:18 pm

It sounds like they are being supportive of her as
loladd33 wrote:her parents pay for dance, singing and acting classes, come to watch her shows and take her to rehearsals etc
To my mind it sounds like they are being practical in talking about the difficulties she may face in the future. I'm not sure how long it is until she turns 18 but at least they are supporting her training at the moment. If she is dead set on pursuing it as a career, it might help her parents if she were to acknowledge their concerns first (after all they're her parents and obviously care for her welfare) She could maybe try approaching her drama/dance teacher at school or where she trains and ask them to talk to them about possible career options? It sounds like they are very practical people and so maybe that is where she should aim her argument. There are people that make a living in performing. There is nothing to say she can't be one of them.

Marissa
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Re: What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by Marissa » Mon Jul 02, 2018 9:11 pm

It's really hard as a parent x I know in the start I didn't fully support my DD and she knew it but then one day I watched her sing and I felt it x it sounds silly but I thought about how hard she was working and it just clicked and I knew that's what she loved and wanted to do for her life and I am so so proud of her x Now when I watch performers I appreciate their struggle and think what an amazing gift it is to make people feel such emotions x I hope her parents find that moment too x I still have the video of that moment and will never forget it x

loladd33
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Re: What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by loladd33 » Mon Jul 02, 2018 10:00 pm

Marissa wrote:It's really hard as a parent x I know in the start I didn't fully support my DD and she knew it but then one day I watched her sing and I felt it x it sounds silly but I thought about how hard she was working and it just clicked and I knew that's what she loved and wanted to do for her life and I am so so proud of her x Now when I watch performers I appreciate their struggle and think what an amazing gift it is to make people feel such emotions x I hope her parents find that moment too x I still have the video of that moment and will never forget it x
That’s wonderful Marissa. Dd’s Friend is actually in a show this weekend - a musical of Peter Pan, playing Wendy and she says that she wants to show her parents through the show and her performance that this is what she wants to do wholeheartedly! X

loladd33
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Re: What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by loladd33 » Mon Jul 02, 2018 10:01 pm

Thank you all for your wonderful advice - I will pass it on and I know dd’s friend will appreciate it very much! X

Marissa
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Re: What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by Marissa » Mon Jul 02, 2018 10:18 pm

loladd33 wrote:
Marissa wrote:It's really hard as a parent x I know in the start I didn't fully support my DD and she knew it but then one day I watched her sing and I felt it x it sounds silly but I thought about how hard she was working and it just clicked and I knew that's what she loved and wanted to do for her life and I am so so proud of her x Now when I watch performers I appreciate their struggle and think what an amazing gift it is to make people feel such emotions x I hope her parents find that moment too x I still have the video of that moment and will never forget it x
That’s wonderful Marissa. Dd’s Friend is actually in a show this weekend - a musical of Peter Pan, playing Wendy and she says that she wants to show her parents through the show and her performance that this is what she wants to do wholeheartedly! X
I hope it goes well and they understand.

loladd33
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Re: What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by loladd33 » Mon Jul 02, 2018 10:35 pm

Marissa wrote:
loladd33 wrote:
Marissa wrote:It's really hard as a parent x I know in the start I didn't fully support my DD and she knew it but then one day I watched her sing and I felt it x it sounds silly but I thought about how hard she was working and it just clicked and I knew that's what she loved and wanted to do for her life and I am so so proud of her x Now when I watch performers I appreciate their struggle and think what an amazing gift it is to make people feel such emotions x I hope her parents find that moment too x I still have the video of that moment and will never forget it x
That’s wonderful Marissa. Dd’s Friend is actually in a show this weekend - a musical of Peter Pan, playing Wendy and she says that she wants to show her parents through the show and her performance that this is what she wants to do wholeheartedly! X
I hope it goes well and they understand.
Thank you x

loladd33
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Re: What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by loladd33 » Mon Jul 09, 2018 9:50 pm

Dd’s Friend has had a breakthrough! Her parents came to watch her show last weekend, as did we, she was stunning and her mum had a proper talk with her about her future in the industry! She made me cry with her solo, as well as several others in the audience and Dd is so proud of her!
Just thought you all might want to know the good news! Xx

Marissa
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Re: What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by Marissa » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:22 am

loladd33 wrote:Dd’s Friend has had a breakthrough! Her parents came to watch her show last weekend, as did we, she was stunning and her mum had a proper talk with her about her future in the industry! She made me cry with her solo, as well as several others in the audience and Dd is so proud of her!
Just thought you all might want to know the good news! Xx

Ahh so glad it's working out for her and that her parents can feel something there xxx Thankyou for letting us know x next step direct them here eventually so they can all get the advice and support they need x I know this place has helped me so much and I wish I'd found it a year earlier!

Ditzi
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Re: What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by Ditzi » Tue Jul 10, 2018 11:45 am

Aah, that’s fantastic, I’m sooo glad it’s worked out in the end, having their parents support is imperative for any child!

loladd33
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Re: What to do when parents are unsupportive?

Post by loladd33 » Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:03 pm

Thank you all! Dd’s Friend is very grateful for the support!

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